Selfish Worship

I chatted with my pastor the other day. I told her I was feeling low during the height of the pandemic when in person worship was taken from me. I said, “I selfishly wanted to be back in church.” She jumped on my word selfish. She was puzzled by my use of the word. The reason I chose the word is because in person worship is FOR ME! It fills ME, it inspires ME and builds up ME. She was quick to remind me that when I am re-energized by worship I have the power to get out there and serve others. When low on power, serving others might not seem so opportune.

It reminded me of a tiny solar panel we have out in our back yard. It is connected to a strand of lights on a baby Blue Spruce we planted last fall. Of course they are Christmas lights, but because they do not scream red and green I have had them lit nightly since last November. It’s such a cute little tree and when it lights up at night I feel such joy. Even a couple neighbors have commented that they too, enjoy the lighted little tree. I could flip a switch on the solar panel which would shield the sun from energizing the lights. I choose not to. That would be just like my feelings about being separated from indoor worship—unfulfilled. No energy to the lights is kind of like having no energy to serve the Lord.

So…I selfishly let that little tree light up my little world.

I guess in retrospect, wanting to be in corporate worship is not a selfish desire, it may instead be a missional desire–allowing me to gain momentum on Sunday to empower my efforts toward whatever missional needs are out there for my attention during the week to follow.

So instead of selfishly going to church on Sundays I shall willingly go to church on Sundays to prepare me for whatever the Lord may bring my way in the week to follow.